Japanese Beetle Leisure Farm, My Ass!

That Frankie. He's a squirmer.

So, we went to the Japanese Beetle Leisure Farm with our kindergarten classes on a field trip this fall. Naturally, the name was completely deceptive. Well. Partly deceptive. It was a farm. There just weren't any beetles. There were rabbits, goats, cows, horses, more goats, doves, and some extremely diseased looking ostriches, though. So that's like, at least 50% deceptive. Maybe 75% - I didn't quite feel there was much leisure going on. More chasing children and being attacked by animals, really. Anyway.

The cows were babies, all crowded together in a metal pen with their heads stuck through the fence and over the trough. There was an impromptu barn, decorated with the skins of a thousand slaughtered piñatas. It swayed festively in the wind, and also made some pretty lame swooshy noises. Upon our arrival at the barn, our tour guide babbled at us a little in chinese. This elicited honest laughter from the students and Taiwanese teachers. Allie, Megan and myself let out a few nervous, delayed giggles. I'm getting pretty good at those.

Then we got down to the business of feeding cows. We were equipped with bottles and directions in chinese that the children didn't pay attention to and that nobody bothered to translate for us. I'm pretty positive they were along the lines of "Hold on tight!" but they could have been something vital like "these are zombie cows. Watch their eyes, that's how you know they're going to go for you!" Fortunately, I am naturally suspicious of bovines, so none of them managed to infest me with their dirty undead diseases. Unfortunately, the kindergartners were not so good at holding onto the bottles when they became slippery with cow spit, and thus we learned the true use of the trough: to contain all the stolen and then dropped bottles.

Frankie feeding the cows!

I became the unofficial bottle collector. If you know me, you know my feelings on being anywhere in the same 4 mile radius as a cow, and I'm sure you can guess my reaction to this appointment. I managed to keep the vomit contained, however.

Luke feeding a rabbit. This is how we get bit by them, kids.

During the course of the day, there were multiple casualties: Claire got bit by a bunny, I got bit by a horse, and everyone got some serious evil eye from the ostriches. Serious evil-eye - I was a little worried I was going to spontaneously combust, and also concerned I was facing Satan in the form of a lanky-limbed, super-sized chicken.

Ponies! Also, note the awesome flayed-pinata decorations above...

I also got licked by a cow. Survey says: NOT COOL, BUT THE REST OF IT WAS RELATIVELY ACCEPTABLE. (Yes, surveys are now presented in all capitals for dramatic effect)

OH NOES, DOVES!