Adventures in Kenting (AKA, getting around Taiwan without Marvis)

Sometime in Early October

Ahh, Kenting. The sweet smell of Tea-Eggs and Salt Brine on the wind, the chatter of a thousand Taiwanese and Foreign tourists debating the merits of various crappily-made shirts... truly, this is paradise.

So. We talked about going to Kenting for... a while. And then eventually we ran out of excuses, because Typhoon season was over. So we took a train down to Kaohsiung, where the last train stop was. We stepped out of the train and within five minutes were approached by a taxi driver who know about five words of English: "Kenting? You, four hundred each. Fast!" Yeah, that's five, because Kenting isn't really English now is it?

We said we'd think about it, as we'd had every intention of taking a bus, and wandered out into the street. Another woman approached us, her wide brimmed hat bobbing wildly in her enthusiastic yet limited sales pitch. "Kenting? We take, 342 each!" We waved her away, watching the brim of her hat flop down in her sorrow and walked, I kid you not, another ten steps before: "Excuse me! Excuse me, you go to Kenting? We take, only one and half hour, three hundred each. Bus take 2 hours, four hundred. You want?"

Now in theory, we could have walked another ten steps and met a magical pegasus who spoke perfect english, offered a 3-minute trip and also gave us complimentary milk tea all for the price of a good pirate joke, but we decided to settle on a human instead and were rapidly shuffled into a van. If I had been by myself, I would have been a little wary of the route - through parking garages and under an overpass into the far back cornor, but I was with Ally and Kristen, and I was not afraid. I should have been; they're preparing for marathons so it's unlikely I could have outrun them in an emergency, but I wasn't.

It didn't matter as they weren't going to steal our collective 4,000 NT and leave us in the ditch. Instead we spent a pleasant trip and arrived in the early afternoon. As it turned out, their stop was very close to our hostel, and our guide helped us find it and also told us that they could take us back the next day... and that we could leave our stuff with them after the hostel closed.

Fabulous!

We stayed at a catholic hostel that was very clean but had no more rooms, and so we stayed in dormitory housing which was not nearly as awkward as I was thinking it would be. Of course, I also claimed windowside of the six connected beds, but that put me directly over the snorer so I'm not thinking I came out with anything really resembling bed-claiming triumph.

We wandered around the town a little bit, got some delicious mexican food, and then meandered down to the beach. We spent some time writing, drawing, and talking, and just chilled until after dark, when we wandered the street markets. I bought a bunch of useless, random knicknacks, all of which I have now successfully pawned off on others as "presents." Haha, suckers!

Allison sitting pretty

I found it interesting that not only did each of the tourist shops have exactly the same thing, they also had the same things (in some case, IDENTICALLY) that I saw in tourist shops in Greece when I was 13. I saw a necklace in one of the stores that I actually bought in Greece. It's been 10 years, and I still think those little shell dolphins are a tiny piece of awesome.

We ended up spending the night drinking wine and cranberry juice on the beach, talking and giggling and listening to other people play music. On the way out, my nature-fu failed me but Allison took over, and spotted this awesome, fist-sized hermit crab:

I like to pretend it's clinging for dear life, struggling to keep from falling into the abyss

The next day we lounged about on the beach a lot, and then eventually caught a taxi home. Unfortunately, we caught an overcrowded taxi, which left me with one ass-cheek half off the seat, and we got stuck in traffic. 2 and a half hours after we left Kenting, I couldn't feel most of my right side from the hips down.

Then we caught a train, and a quick detour into the public restroom showed me exactly how sunburnt I was. I put sunscreen on three times, faithful reader, and I still looked like I'd been in a wrestling match with a can of red paint.

The train was also overcrowded, and between the three of us we managed to rope only one seat. It was also very slow. And so, between sunburnt, general lower-body numbness, and sheer exhaustion, I slowly became hysterical. I leave you this conversation with Allison as evidence:

The door magically opens of its own accord.
Me: "This one time, my sister's friend played a trick on her. He had a garage door opener in his pocket and pressed it whenever she walked too close, and convinced her it was her cell phone that was interfering with the signal. Good times."
Allison: "Maybe your cell phone is opening this door.
Me: "I left it at home."
Allison: "I remember our baby moniter used to pick up our neighbor's baby noises. Maybe it's a baby monitor."
Me: "...I had forgotten I left that in my purse."
Allison: "Yes, you often carry baby monitors around."
Me: "Well, I use them to fight crime."
Allison: "You do?"
Me: "Yes. That's my superhero name, the Baby Monitor. I rescue babies, and use the screams of many babies through the monitor to defeat criminals. Sometimes I bring the sender and the receiver together and use the feedback to bring criminals to their knees."
Allison: "I can be your sidekick, the Pacifier!"
Me: "Pretty positive that's a superhero name already."
Allison: "Really?"
Me: "Yeah. It's the evil guy in Sky High. They turn people into babies."
Allison: "Oh."
Me: "You can be Binkie, instead."
Allison: "Ok. I have to go to the bathroom."
There is a moment in which I examine the door, and discover a sensor responsible for the magical openings.
Allison: (returns) "Ok."
Me: "Allison, I have discovered that I have the Force." (discreetly swings hand in front of sensor.) "You see."
Allison: "Wow. You do indeed have the force. Do you use it to rescue babies?"
Me: "And sometimes open doors."
An old man triggers the sensor.
Me: "Umm. He also has the force?"