Of True Love, Rescue Missions and Escalating Cockroach Concerns

The glory that is this random park in Tainan. 

Endangered (and creepy - look at the rhino's eye) animal statues!

Dear Diary, 

I have a whole Ecosystem living in my house! Our cockroach problem has turned into something of semi-serious concern, because I need my brain cells if I want to become a paleontologist and huffing Raid is not the way to greater intelligence! Allison and I thought we’d eliminated the roach threat when we found an open bag of sugar in one of the cupboards in the kitchen, but when the guts were cleaned off the mop we used to squish them and the fog of Raid had cleared, it became obvious that we had only begun our war against the enemy. Yes, we had destroyed a critical base of operations, but continued sightings of enemy combatants and scouts in the living room and bathroom made it obvious that the entire organization was far greater than we had ever imagined. Dilbert the gecko and his comrads have agreed to work for our side but even they do not seem to be making a difference, and we may soon be forced to take drastic steps. Please note at this point we’re not really sure what those steps might entail, but I fear they might involve full out man (or roach) hunts, equipped with mops, shoes, and toxic aerosols. It is an unfortunate fact of life that our enemies are stealthy and equipped with the capacity for flight – and they are not afraid to use that ability to FLY RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE, but Allison and I must be brave in this time of trial. And stop using so much Raid – Dilbert is starting to look a little thin.

Meagan, Allison and I went to 711 and bought a four pack of beer each, which meant we got to buy a Heineken lawn chair for 100NT. For those not in the know, that’s about 3.50$. Then we went up to the roof and enjoyed our Heineken in our Heineken chairs, and forced Todd to kill at least 7 gigantic cockroaches. There are two species here – the small ones with long antennae that live in our apartments, and the huge ones that live outside it. The latter were all over the roof – very strange. There was just enough light to spot them skittering, and for Todd to smash them, but it was just low enough to exaggerate (hopefully – GOD they were huge) their size. 

Meagan looks surprised. She's probably spotted another cockroach.

The new favorite game for the Kindy kids is Teacher Meaghan Goes to Jail! They all grab me and drag me into the playplace where they make me sit down on the picnic table. They then proceed to put me in hand, leg, shoulder, head and mouth cuffs, the latter of which they periodically unzip to hear my piteous calls for assistance. Then they either start to tell me “Teacher Meaghan, seat is on fire!” in which case I have to squirm and try to move through my various imaginary cuffs, or one of them will sneak in and let me go free so they can catch me again. I told them that the reason I was in jail was I ate children, so when my mouth cuffs are off I attempt to bite them.

I can order food now! I’ve ordered Sho Long Bao, and tons of stuff at the Thai place near my house. All by myself, though the Thai place speaks English and has an English menu… whatever. I also recognized a two digit number the other day, and picked up a joke! Maddy had wet her pants, and Teacher Carol knelt down and asked her in Chinese “something something She-She?” (you have to go pee-pee?) and Maddy replied “Mei Yuo.” (all finished). I mean, technically it wasn’t a joke… but Carol and I both thought it was funny… 

Marvis and I

I’m on TV! Both a small commercial, and an extremely long infomercial (which has at least 5 minutes of Teacher Meaghan!). Of course, it is footage of me playing dumb games and awkwardly teaching the kids a song about Jesus (Happy Day Express, which is neither awesome enough to make up for its Christian overtones, nor subtle enough for them to really qualify as tones). 

I rescued a bat! It was on the sidewalk near my apartment, and I came and stared at it a bit, then a woman in my building came up and started talking to me in Chinese. I was like “Bat!” and “It fell!” and then she picked it up with sticks (which it bit, ungrateful beast) and put it in the bushes. So really, she rescued the bat – I supervised. 

We had some interesting Escapades on Saturday. Meagan, Todd, Allison and I went to Tainan (an hour by train) to see the baseball game. We played in the park a bit and drank a lot of beer, only to find out that it was actually an away game. Oops. Since we were already so far south, we decided to go to Kaohsiung and go to Costco. We travelled another 30 minutes by train, and when we showed up finally at Costco, it had closed 5 minutes earlier. So then we went to the dream mall, which has an amusement park on the roof, complete with Hello Kitty Ferris Wheel. We then went on one of the rides, this strange elevated bicycle thing, and rammed the people in front of us… but didn’t get in trouble because the people running the ride didn’t really know what to say to us. Being foreign is fun! 

Sky park!

This past week was Allison’s birthday. I made her a poster with a gigantic cockroach on it, and the words “KEEP OUT, NO COCKROACHES ALLOWED.” Hopefully they’ll get the message. Meagan gave her cockroach traps, and beer. Marvis gave her a cake, and got Allison’s make believe boyfriend, Steven of the Belgium bar (who none of us have really ever talked to), to come to our apartment and deliver the cake. He brought his posse, two friends who were silent the whole night but work with him at the bar, and then ate cake and set off fireworks with us. On the roof. Of our own apartment building. Maybe not soooooo smart… but we’re foreigners! To reward Steven for his presence (which was absolutely hysterical) we all went to his bar the next night and drank a bunch, hooray! 

Posse, Steven,  Allison, Posse

Things That May Be of Interest:

• Turns out, if you don’t pay your bill (because someone recycled it) your internet gets cut off without warning! Huh.
  
• Taiwanese kids are obsessed with beetles.. and I am starting to be, too. If I get a tattoo when I leave here (which I’ve been contemplating, sorry mom) I’m thinking it will be of a rhinoceros beetle.
  
• Painting with 3 year olds is MESSY. I'm thinkin' that was maybe the worst idea I've ever, ever had.
  
• We’re going to invest in some fire crackers, the ones you throw down and pop, and use them to startle the children into obedience… and kill cockroachs.
  
• If you haven't yet figured this out, clicking on the pictures makes them bigger. 

 

Conversations I Have Had:

Child: “Why are we waiting? Cannot start test?”

Me: “Because Jolene is always late and we should wait for her.”

Child (knowingly): “Yes. Like snail.”

 

Homework answer for using the word pole (like tightrope walker’s pole) in a sentence:

“My pole is so adamant!”

Child (reading his schedule aloud): “On Sunday, I boil people in oil.”

(looks nervous)

Child: “Not true, not true!”

 

Other Child (reading his schedule aloud): “On Tuesday, I do meth!”

Me: “No, no you don’t. Don’t say Meth. Meth is… Meth is bad. Say math. You do math.”

 

Student: "Whore is Jolene!"

Me: "Where. You mean Where. Whore is a woman who... how old are you?"

Student: "I is 10."

Me: "Nevermind. Just don't say whore, ok?

 

Child: “Teacher, you look! I draw! Is poop!”

Me: “Oh, your poop is so beautiful! …wow. I really just said that.”