Fascinating Facts About California, From The Perspective of A Safer, Smarter, Less-Sleepy Oregonian

1) California Likes Electronic Road Signs
Simple "Slow Down" signs are not good enough for California, they must use electicity at all costs to provide you with the terribly specific reasons you should slow down: there is a curve ahead, there are animals in the area, there's the potential for snow on the road, there may be an old person crossing the road at any given time, tortoise crossings, or imminent alien attack. Thank god they were smart enough to put in the ever-adaptable electronic sign format, or how would I know what to expect ahead? Californians clearly don't want to be slow for the sake of being slow, they need a thorough explanation of WHY.

2) California is Afraid of Water
We saw a "Heavy Rains" sign... and heat-related mirages. Come to think of it, perhaps Californians can't tell the difference between water mirages and actual water on the road?

3) Californians are Deep Sleepers
The yellow lines on the sides of the roads are lined in two layers of noise-producing bumps. While most states have grooved asphault outside of the lines to wake drivers up before they drive completely off the road, California also has yellow reflectors to tell their drivers: "YOU ARE ALMOST ABOUT TO CROSS A LINE THAT COULD LEAD TO YOU ALMOST DRIVING OFF THE ROAD." Much like setting two alarms in the morning, California is concerned that the aggressive tire-grating sound of the outside grooves will not be enough to wake up their sleepy head drivers.

In conclusion, Californian drivers must know what is waiting for them around each and every cornor, are terrified of water in any state, and from driving with all this terror often drive off the road in fits of exhaustion. No wonder they can't come up with new names....